Just be patient...I'm a work in progress

9:20pm: i am a thai food virgin, contrary to my former beliefs. according to my mom i refused to try it. oops
i am a sushi virgin
i am an indian food virgin
i am an ''ending of Pulp Fiction'' virgin
i am a "Silence of the Lambs" virgin (even though i own it here at davis. oops?)
i am a "Godfather" virgin (all of them...however many there are)
...there are so many movies i haven't seen! i need some ideas for some. ya know, those kinds that you need to see before you die type of thing.
i would be willing to try any of the food things. any takers?
***
so yesterday marked my 5th visit to the doctor (5 diff doctors, mind you) during my spring break
doc: well, thank god you don't have endometriosis --
me: well...they actually think i might have it.
and then came an exasperated sigh from the doc. kinda funny. kinda...sad? eh.
***
i have only recently begun to question what a doctor tells me, and that i don't necessarily have to obey him/her or do whatever s/he says. case in point
doc2: okay we would like you to do a blood test (i am holding back tears as he says this)
me: when?
doc2: well we would like it to be today..
me: No.
doc2: (surprised) okay, then when you get back to davis
me: No.
doc2: Okay, that is perfectly reasonable, it isn't necessary at this point. You are one tough cookie

DAMN STRAIGHT i am one tough cookie! so if i was willing, you would have made me go through unnecessary trauma? jesus. we tend to think that doctors are all knowing authoritative figures whom we must obey. not true. i often question authority.

on another note...
my first spanish class went well today. even though i was in AP my spanish teacher didn't talk very much spanish, much to my chagrin. today it was refreshing to not here a word of english utter out of Francisco Pena's mouth, even though, because i am out of practice, it was difficult at times. and i was impressed with myself that within 2 minutes of his speaking i knew he was from southern spain..he ended up being from Sevilla, which i have actually been to. cool. i can't wait to go abroad for a year...i want to go so badly again. i adored spain. the food sucked, at least where i went, but the shopping and sights were awesome. nothing like spanish culture...flamenco dancing, homemade sangria...yay! it will be weird to have a class every single day. dammit.

good luck this quarter, all.

9:00pm: i will be having one, if not two, surgeries this summer.
cool. then it will be my...8th and 9th surgery? i have lost count.
awesome.

8:19am: meh..

i am way too tired right now to update in coherent and full sentences, so i am doing it in (dum dum dummmm)

( list form )

11:14pm:

( bored, tired, and still need to finish packing for santa barbara )

10:16pm:
cuddle and a kiss on the forehead - you like to be
close to your special someone and feel warm,
comfortable, and needed


What Sign of Affection Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

9:31pm: home, sweet home.
it's soooo nice to be home, i love it.

i got home yesterday after stopping at the vaca outlets on my way home...spent 90 bucks in 20 mins. oops? two capris and a purse later i was home. passed out until 630 when i met alissa for dinner at chevy's. yummm. i had way big nachos and alissa a margarita. our waiter was really creepy. we had a fun time making fun of redwood people and avoiding the ones we saw at the resturant.

went home and slept. woke up this morning to breakfast consisting of pancakes non dc-style, sausages and sliced strawberries. very good.
went to the city today with hil and jennie which was awesome. i hadn't seen jennie since xmas...made some purchases...i only one (i know, shock)which was a shirt that said ''cowboys make better lovers'' from urban outfitters. i couldn't resist :)

got home to a lovely dinner that consisted of: prime rib, grilled asparagus, grilled portabello mushrooms and yorkshire pudding. i ate that and sipped my merlot. how Ross of me.

more to come later, most likely in too much detail and too many words. talk to you all later. good luck with finals, have fun and be safe.

spring break-ily yours,
hilary

10:13pm: Procrastination version 2.0

( Yes, yes I did it....argh. )

4:50pm: Random Thoughts

Procrastination must be really kicking in...two entries in one day.

( Miscellaneous things I have thought about... )

9:45am: procrastination
procrastination is horrible, i hate it. i hate the feeling of being under pressure, though i seem to thrive when situations like that happen. i have written half of one paper that is due on friday. my other paper is due anytime before 5pm on Wed, March 24. I was trying to get it done on Saturday, but the Social Sci building isn't open then. sooo...I will have to wait till Monday. i suppose that's ok since I haven't even started it yet. i am determined to finish the other half of my paper today, so i can let it sit for a bit then go back and revise...i usually procrastinate so much that i never have time for the last part.

last night i watched top gun. it was awesome. i had forgotten how much i love that movie, and how nostalgic it is for me to watch it. it reminds me of my grandpa...navy fighter pilot :) and, yes, i cried at goose's death. apparently i seem to be a hard-ass...i am actually a pretty sensitive person. i seem to be rather...i don't know what the word would be...but i'm not ultra feminine (and no i dont think masculine fits becaue that's just...weird) but sometimes you can catch me in VERY girly moments like:
shopping, spiders, cute/mushy/cliche love scenes, weddings on tv (tears...it's all over), manicures/pedicures and romance.
no, that wasn't a tangent at all.
i would have gone to bed a lot earlier than i did (as i would have fallen asleep during the movie) but someone quoting every other line kept me up. thanks. haha...it was good to watch the entire movie, though. movies are a good thing, they help me tune out a lot. i don't tend to watch them often because i get SO antsy! i can barely sit through one in the theatres, even if i really like the movie. it drives me nuts. or i fall asleep. what a waste of ten bucks. i can rent it and fall asleep for only three.
last night was very nice though, i have to admit. it was nice to be in the arms of another person. sigh.


i just came to the realization that i must have a pretty big mouth if i can fit my fist in it. that's kind of odd and disguating, though when i'm inebriated i tend to blab this fact and males are intrigued by it. wonder why?

maybe tonight i will watch Batman (the 1966 version) My laundry is done. Procrastination is over. Time to work.





oh, and by the way, recuerdo todo, estoy segura, y lo siento otra vez. me puedes perdonar?

hil

10:52pm: i'm tired now. going to bed.
001. What is your name: hilary kuhn
002. Spell your name backwards: nhuk yralih wow that was hard
003. Date of birth: feb 23 1985
004. Male or female: female
005. Astrological sign: pisces
006. Nicknames: hil, hilby, mouse, moo, hildo dildo, bigfoot, lefty
007. Occupation: pneumonia? haha. college student kinda
008. Height: 5'7 on a good day
009. Weight: 145
010. Hair color: medium brown? right?
011. Eye color: dark brown
012. Where were you born: berkeley/lafayette CA
013. Where do you reside now: davis / ross
014. Age: 19
018. What is your LJ name: cowgurrlh
019. What does your LJ name stand for: my screenname
020. Pets: wigeon, a yellow lab, RIP leroy (beta),and rocket the gecko
021. Number of candles you blew out on your last birthday cake: um 19.
022. Piercings: 5ear, navel
023. Tattoo's: uh huh
024. Shoe size: 8.5-9
025. Righty or lefty: LEFTY
026. Wearing: what? my north face and blue striped PJs from jcrew that are soo old
027. Hearing: my sniffling
028. Feeling: eh but happy
029. Eating/drinking: yawning
~boys/Love/Kissing/And Other Stuff~
061. Have you ever been in love: yes i have
062. How many people have you said 'I love you' to: many - just depends if they were my bf or not
063. How many people have you been in love with: 1
064. How many people have you kissed: like a million
065. Have you ever kissed someone of the same sex: yes
066. How many people have you dated: 3 serious relationships
067. What do you look for in a guy/girl: loyalty, humor, intelligence
068. What's the first thing you notice about the opposite sex: height, smile, stature
069. What type of guy/girl do you usually go for: those who i get along with and are attracted to...i will give most anyone a chance
073. Do you have a crush right now: yes.
074. If so who is it: um, myself, yes.
075. Do you believe in love at first sight: no
076. Do you remember your first love: yes
077. Who is the first person you kissed: dontwannatlakaboutit haha
078. Do you believe in fate: yes
079. Do you believe in soul mates: for sure
080. If so do you believe you'll ever find yours: i really really really hope so
~Family Stuff~
104. How many siblings do you have: one
105. What are your parents names: carol and jeff
106. What are your siblings names: spencer kuhn
107. How many siblings does your mother have: none
108. How many siblings does your father have: 4 - 3 sisters, 1 brother
109. Where are your parents from: dad- SF, mom-marin...like 20 mins away, haha
110. Is your family close: somewhat.
111. Does your family get together for holidays: yes
112. Do you have a drunk uncle: no. only have one uncle. he's an ass, though
113. Any medical problems run through your family: cancer, asthma
114. Does someone in your family wear a toupee: not that know of
115. Do you have any nieces or nephews: no sir
116. Are your parents divorced: no way
117. Do you have step parents: no...
118. Has your family ever disowned another member of your family: more like she disowned us...
120. Did some of your family come to America from another country: GERMANY!!!

~Music Stuff~
121. What song do you swear was written about you or your life: some poignant country song...most are applicable
122. What's the most embarrasing cd you own: bsb
123. What's the best cd you own: dirty dancing / top gun soundtrack
124. What song do you absolutely hate: dropkick murphys, ew. trance/techno
125. Do you sing in the shower: at home, YES. here, no. esp w/ new roomies
126. What song reminds you of that special someone: George Strait 'love as true as true as mine'
~Okay, I Name An Artist And You Give A Lyric From Any One Of Their Songs!~
127. Pink: iiiiii'm comin up so you better get the party started
128. Aerosmith: don't wanna close my eyes
129. Madonna: like a virgin
130. Korn: got the life
131. Backstreet Boys: tell me why i can't be there in your arms
132. The Beatles: she's a dayyyyyy tripper
133. Sublime: 187 on a mother fuckin cop
134. J.Lo: i'm real...
135. *Nsync: bye bye bye
136. Limp Bizkit: i did it all for the noookie
137. Stacie Orrico: um?
138. Creed: with arms wide open
139. Britany Spears: two rights can't go wrong
140. Good Charlotte: lifestyles of the rich and famous
141. Christina Aguilera: it's about time for my arrival
142. Eminem: i'm slim shady
144. Kelly Clarkston : whatever happened to miss independent?
145. Kelly Osbourne: shut up
146. Mandy Moore: sweet, sweet lovin, got me goin to the extreme
148. Aaliyah: sometimes i'm goody goody, right now i'm naughty naught
149. Nelly: ride wit me
150. Alicia Keys: i'm fallin

~Favorites~
152. Color: brown, green, orange
153. Food: mexican
154. Song: anything toby keith
155. Show: inferno, real world, friends, anything on TLC or HGTV or cooking
156. School subject: literature
157. Band/singer/artist: toby keith
158. Animal: dogs, ferrets, kitties
159. Outfit: jeans, a t shirt and flip flops
160. Radio station: alice
161. Movie: dirty dancing, willy wonka, top gun, legally blonde, batman (1961)
162. Pair of shoes: flip flops or my brown platforms. grey pumas that are 5y.o.
163. Cartoon: hate em. buttt....tom and jerry, and scooby doo
164. Actor: mark whalberg, hahahah
165. Actress: julia roberts
166. Potato chip: don't eat them, really...
167. Drink: juice squeeze // margarita, BLOODY MARY SOOO GOOD
168: Soda: i don't drink soda
169. Holiday: x-mas, thanksgiving
170. Perfume/cologne: females-citrus stuff males-HUGO BOSS, cool water, tide
171. Pizza topping: mushroom, tomato, olive
172. Jello flavor: raspberry, cranberry
173. Lunch meat: smoked turkey
174. Card Game: gin, poker
175. Video game: anything with cars
176. Website: nope
177. Book: anything Anne Lamott
178. Computer game: don't play them.
179. Number: 32
180. Cereal: kix, cinnamon toast crunch, strawberry cherrios (addicted)
181. Comedian: elvira kurt
182. Dessert: pie, cake, you name it, i like it (except for lady fingers and tiramisu)
183. Disney character: siamese cats in lady and the tramp
184. Clothing store: american eagle, gap, urban outfitters, everything ubiquitous
185. Past time: full house
186. Teacher: my hum 001 teacher prof Guynn SO SO funny. oh man and dawn blunk
187. Childhood toy: transformers, dinosaurs,my trucks. i was such a boy
188. Carnival game/ride: the zipper, kamakaze, i like it allllll.
189. Candy bar: butterfinger
190. Magazine: cosmo, allure, jane, people, the economist
191. Salad dressing: italian
192. Thing to do on the weekend: 'chill'
193. Hot drink: chai all the way
194. Season: spring
195. Sport to watch: GYMNASTICS, soccer
196. Person to talk to online: laura, garbs, peoples from home

~Your Bedroom/Sleeping Habits~
197. What color are your sheets: striped
198. What color are your bedroom walls: white
199. Do you have posters on your wall: yes
200. If so of what? : dixie chicks, dirty dancing, faith hill and rosie the riveter
201. Do you have a tv in your bedroom: no
202. How many pillows are on your bed: 2
203. What do you normally sleep in: pj pants and a big shirt/tank top
204. Describe your favorite pair of pajamas: my green polka dots ones. where are they?
205. What size bed do you have: too small
206. Do you have a waterbed/bunkbed/daybed: too tall at the moment.
207. Do you have your own phone line in your bedroom: no
209. Describe the last nightmare you had: don't remember when i had one
210. Do you sleep with stuffed animals: never have, never will
211.How many people can comfortably sleep comfortably in your bed: 1, but i've shared many a time
212. Do you sleep in any unusual positions: on my side?
213. Do you have to share your bedroom with a sibling: no
214. Do you snore: if i'm sick, sometimes yes
215. How about drool: yeah..mostly during naps tho
216. Do you have an alarm clock in your room: of course
217. What color is the carpet in your room:brown. ick
218. What's under your bed: my pants drawers, my workout drawers, suitcases, my minifridge...nothing has had time to accumulate.

this was really long.

5:48pm: Much Needed Update

For those of you who read this, i apologize for my not updating.
This is gonna be a long one...

--my birthday was on feb 23, a monday. i am 19...a sucky age if you ask me i went home the sunday (22) to celebrate with my family, it was wonderful.  got 2 pairs of pants and another north face i wanted among other things and the (to her) obligatory check from the grams.  my birthday night we didn't do anything special since everyone was busy, we ended up going to dinner on thursday at crepeville, and it was awesome, so fun. i love that place and the free dinner i got.  thanks girls/daniel.  ohh,on monday night, i did play and lose in my IM basketball game.  oh well, at least i didn't almost get into a fight like last time.  then i got home all sweaty and stinky and found my floor had made and decorated a b day cake for me (with MY sprinkles btw, haha)that was nice of them. i always get embarrassed when people sing happy birthday :)
--another reason for the lack of updating is that i had to actually move apartments, though most of you know that already.  basically the boys upstairs ignored a clogged toilet and kept flushing it rather than getting a plunger...so it overflowed for an entire night and my roommates awoke to sewage on the floor and dripping from the ceiling and light fixtures.  now i am living in manzanita, 20 steps from where i lived before, but with 5 other girls. they are so nice and make me feel very welcome.  i am lucky.  my other two roommates moved to different floors in the same building...so i have been busy shopping for stuff i need to be reimbursed for, so far the total is $300 and the boys will have to pay for the damage which is going to be $10k plus.
--last night i went out to dinner, it was very nice.  nice to get out, but nice to also socialize with someone i hadn't seen in a while.  i had fun. mayby it will happen again, i would like that.  i had a root beer...i don't remember the last time i had rootbeer, much less a soda, actually it was the day i moved in to manzanita, but before then it had been several years before i had a soda. it was weird. 
--i have pneumonia for the second time in a month.  lovely.  my 'ciliary dysmotility' (google it) is kicking my ass right now. i have been so good, going to bed before midnight, often before 11, haven't partied in a while and if i have i was sober...i haven't drank in over a month i think.  maybe this weekend will change, who knows. i haven't been to a big party in a while.

what i have really been craving for lately is just to have someone's arms around me...and stuff.  trouble is, i have no someone.

when hil and i went to arden fair i bought a CUTE and HOTTT dress. now i only need somewhere to wear it! whoooo has a cocktail or something of the like? hahaha.  it's fun getting dressed up, i haven't done it in soo long!

thanks for reading,

hil

7:58pm: Sean Penn....
So a convo with jake that i am having right now sparked this entry. i was considering doing it before, but now i really got it out.

my boy, sean penn is nominated for his 5th oscar for best actor in MYSTIC RIVER. and yet i refuse to see his movie
why?
he lives down the street from me
and i think it'd be weird to see this guy in a movie...who i see all over the place. picking up his daughter (dylan) at school or riding with his sun on a bicycle (son's name i forget)..seeing him at a local supermarket or behind his wife in marshalls (haha and yes she was actually shopping there)
the only movie that i've seen with sean penn in is..i think it was the only movie...dead man walking, which i thoroughly enjoyed.
nonetheless i think it's weird for me to see his movie. i don't even know what its about but i just can't bring myself to see it. maybe i will when it's on video or something like that. or just walk over to his house and ask him to act out scenes haha.
is this weird?
and i would say the same for george lucas who i don't think i've seen, actually i've prolly seen him just not known who he was, he is so ordinary looking (as with sean penn. the penns tend to be hermits)...because i hate star wars.

7:55pm: oh MY god healthcare is expensive.

for my dad's operation and 2 hospital stays...drumroll please...$200k!
holy bananas, batman!

and for the titanium rod my dad has in his back? $38k. i mean jeeezuss, it fits in my hand peoples!

my daddy will now set off metal detectors. ha ha.

luckily we don't live in a socialized country because my daddy would be dead.

...thank goodness we have health insurance so we don't have to pay very much of that ungodly amount.

even sophmore year, no operations but hospital stays... 5 days was about $12,000.
daaaang.

11:47pm:

Today is Valentine's Day.
Screw feeling bitter.  Whatever.

I was going to come home on Sunday, but at 2pm on Friday I impulsively decided to make the trip home.  Everyone and their Mother were going home for the weekend, and didn't seem like there was going to be anything super interesting.  I didn't have a valentine...so why stay?  I never realized how much of a planner I was until I decided to go home on Friday...and within half an hour of deciding I was on the road and surprised my parents with my presence when I rang the doorbell :)
So I got home on Friday, it took me half an hour longer than usual because of the rain and traffic.  Annoying.  I got home just as my pass time started, and luckily I was able to get a fairly good schedule.  Spanish 21, English 1 and Wms 50.  Pass 2 I will sign up for 2 PE classes as well as a FRS most likely. 
My dad bitched for an hour to AT&T and convinced them to get me a new phone for free.  With my dad's belonging to AT&T for 20 years and the casual mention of switching providers, the phone was on my doorstep two days later.  Don't get me wrong...this phone thing wasn't for fun, really.  It was all because my current phone, made by (cough) Siemens (cough cough) SUCKED butt major.  I would never get more than 3 bars, and that was in Vallejo...and Vallejo is a shithole.  Most time I would get 2 or 1 bar...and at 2 I couldn't even call people, yet I could receive calls?  It was weird. So, I now have the Nokia 3100 phoneSimple.  Functional.  And it glows in the dark ;)  About the same size as my other phone, which is excellent.  I enjoy its smallness.  Though it comes with a super bulky/stupid headset I am excited because I lost the one for my Siemens.  I get signal now, here, and it is full signal.  SO exciting, folks.  I even get one bar here in Ross.  That NEVER happens. haha.  I always promised myself I would never ever ever own a Nokia....never say never, I suppose.
Today I went shopping with my mom to get pants that actually fit me.  Bitter? You bet.  It's no fun realizing your body is a lot different now than it was during the summer...and it's not so cool when I try on a size 12.  I mean what IS that, people?!  I own a pair of pants that's from GAP that's a 4 and loose on me(yes I usually wear an 8) but nonetheless...an 8 to a 12? or even moreso 4 to a 12?  who makes these things, anyways. argh.  SIGH.  Sooo...after I got completely pissed off during shopping because nothing was fitting I went home after her generously buying two pairs of chinos from Express - a store I usually never touch.  Desperate times call for desperate measures, I suppose.

I went home and watched TV for a while before going to the video store and renting the 5th season Vol 1 of Sex and the City as well as 'Pumpkin' w. Christina Ricci.  I have high expections. I have a feeling I will be let down.  Oh well, I saw a trailer for it and it looked interesting.  Plus, I didn't feel like looking for 'Real Women Have Curves' which seemed to go along with the earlier part of today. Hah.

Just a couple of random thoughts...I would do the little link-y thing to lead to another page because this is so long, but I don't know how. 

Since going to Davis, and living there, I have realized how different Marin County is than the rest of the...well, country, I suppose, but more specifically Davis.  The difference between the cars, the people, the ages of the parents...I mean, Davis High had a daycare center for crying out loud.  Me? I've never seen anybody under 30 pregnant.  In Davis people seem to lead such simple lives, and elsewhere too.  The answer to the question 'Is Marin really THAT different?' becomes clearer to me with every passing day.  I know people who didn't even know what the Mercedes symbol looks like, when I didn't even know what a Honda was until I was in high school - and to me that's a shame.  Marin and especially the town I live in .... is such a bubble it's ridiculous.  Living in a town with houses that don't sell for under seven digits really has an impact on how someone is raised.  When I read The Nanny Diaries over Christmas break I could only laugh, as I have known many people raised by nannies.  This one family, I would not have even met her parents except for the fact that her father and mine belonged to the same men's club. That last paragraph makes me seem like a brat...hmm.

I have never seen someone smoke in my town, either.  Until yesterday, rather.  I was so in awe that I almost got into an accident.  Elsewhere I see adults smoking all the time...is this just Ross?  Marin? 

Enough writing for tonight.

Where for art thou valentine?

hugs and love on this fine day.

Hilary

6:08pm: I'm sorry.
I am sorry Olga. I have obviously not been using you enough when I saw a couple minutes ago that you have been collecting dust. My apologies!

I do still love you, don't fret.

-hil









Olga is my iPod...

11:08pm: Why I Love Country Music, this is just too damn funny

One Hot Momma by Trace Adkins

You're doing all you can
To get in them old jeans
You want that body back
You had at 17
Now baby, don't get down
Don't you worry 'bout a thing
cuz the way you're fillin out,
Yeah, Thats alright with me
I don't want the girl you used to be
And incase you didn't notice
The kids are fast aleep and You're...

One Hot Mama!
You turn me on lets turn it up,
And turn this room into a sauna.
One hot mama
Oh, watta ya say
Do you wanna?

I know sometimes you think
that all you really are
Is the women with the kids,
And the groceries in the car.
Now you're worryin' 'bout you hips,
And you're worried 'bout your age.
Meanwhile I try to catch the breath you take away.
Oh, And believe me you still do,
All I see, When I look at you is...

One Hot Mama
You turn me on,
Lets turn it up,
And turn this room into a sauna
One hot mama,
Oh whatta ya say babe
Do you wanna?

I can't imagine me loving someone else
I'm a lucky man,
I think daddy's got himself....

One hot mama,
you turn me on,
lets turn it up,
And turn this room into a sauna.
One hot mama,
Oh whatta ya say babe?
Oh now whatta ya say baby?
Do you wanna?

'Cause you're ONE HOT MAMA
Lets turn this room into a sauna!
Whatta ya say babe?
Whatta ya say babe?
Do you wanna?

i love country music. that is all.

2:22pm: barks and bites
To those of you who went to RHS, you'll enjoy. Submit your own?
To those of you who weren't lucky enough, you'll get the jist.

a BARK to those who study their butts off
a BITE to my new insurance who gives me 25% of my pills and makes me pay more
a BARK to my roomie's cousin and friend coming in a couple of hours
a BITE to pants getting wet in the rain / caught in bikes
a BARK to me for being super productive today
a BITE to the people upstairs who are super loud
a BITE to pneumonia
a BARK for my roomie for going to bed before 4.
a BARK for a healthy hilary
a BITE to whoever invented valentine's day.
a BITE to the person who killed that girl from Florida.
a BARK to FRIDAYS!
a BITE for the freshman 15...
a BARK for SNOW IN TAHOE

done for now.
so i didn't have any midterms last quarter. this quarter i have two. i missed one while i was at home so i am making it up a week later. let's get this show on the road, folks. i want this OVER WITH
last night was sarah's b day. very cute, she seemed very surprised. Go feb b days! (mine's on the 23 btw)
watched a sigma show for tke the other night, and it was fun. no competition. trust me. i knew who'd win from the very start!

thanks for reading,
-hil

9:35pm: oh my lordy. nothing is sexier than a guy who dresses well. hot damn.
and hugo boss cologne
and tight jeans (not too tight) w/ cowboy hat
and when he kisses someone in the middle of bickering like the movies
and holds your face with both hands
and is loyal
and intelligent
and likes me for me
and gives good hugs
and laughs
and
and
stopping... not good to talk about when you dont have a boif!

6:22pm: small town girl

nicki: HEY WHATS UP?
cowgurrl   h: nothing hold on one sex
cowgurrl   h: oops sec
nicki: LOL
cowgurrl   h: DAMN FREUD!!

busted...

so i am from a small town.  i didn't really realize how small it was, until sociology yesterday.  i was from the smallest town of my lecture class of roughly 200.
prof burr was asking who was from a small town, many people raised their hands ''ten thousand'' ''twenty thousand'', ''8 thousand'' then me...''1600'' and i could here people going ''woah'' ''i thought MY town was small''
well it doesn't seem small to me.
but i guess it is.
my town has:
1600 people (some people's HS were bigger than my town)
1.6 square miles
no stoplights
no mailboxes (we use the post office)
no market (we have 'eddies', a corner store)
2 or 3? resturants
1 K-8 school for only my town (30 people/grade)
1 church
lots of gossip
sean penn (hah) and some guy from the Greatful Dead  all the others moved out.
and no downtown, obviously.  'downtown' is about half a block long. ha.

if anyone has seen the movie 'jack' with robin williams and bill cosby, let me know.

so apparently everybody uses their mailboxes to send and receive mail, i never knew that till...i think sophmore year.  my town is right next to other little towns, so it doesn't seem that small. but, the nearest 'safeway' is ... 10 mins away?

darn. i just poked my arm with a sharpie.  there is now a dot on my green sweater. boo

so i went home today for a doctor's appointment and to visit my dad for about 10 mins. i was trying to avoid seeing him till my birthday (2/23) so that when i DID see him, there would be much improvement.  even when i came today, i could see differences.  i had not seen my dad in a pair of normal clothes since before thanksgiving. and this time, too he was without the walker for the first time since 12/26.  it was amazing.  his blood clots will take anotuer 4-6 months to heal but everything seems to go smoothly.   daddy lost 35 lbs in a month too, it's amazing. i have yet to see him standing up, but that's a lot of weight to be lost.  he is going to try to keep most of it off, so that's good. i have a feeling that after this whole back and lung thing that he had a revelation about his health and that it is more important to him than he originally thought. it's wonderful.
january was a sucky month.  please let it be february soon, please please.

Bracket - ...If I fall in Love with a Girl from Marin

Daddy's girl is shopping for a perfect day
And her words are full of empty things to say

Her shit stained smile
Is out of style
It's been that way
For quite a while
Everyone is telling me I'll never win,
If I fall in love with a girl from Marin

Daddy's girl has overflowing confidence
And her world is filling up with hollow friends

Her shit stained smile
Is out of style
It's been that way
For quite a while
Everyone is telling me I'll never win,
If I fall in love with a girl from Marin

Daddy's girl is growing colder every day
And our worlds are never gonna be the same

Her shit stained smile
Is out of style
It's been that way
For quite a while
Everyone is telling me I'll never win,
If I fall in love with a girl from Marin
Everyone is telling me I'll never win,
If I fall in love again

hmph.

dude, i never knew we were perceived like that... i love the song regardless.

i was going to add 'ir' in front of regardless for someone because someone loooooooves it!

5:41pm: 1 of 2 Entries: Ode To Friendship
This weekend was very exciting, mostly made so by our visitors, Tori and Lauren. A party in here on Friday night (again...when ISN'T there a party in our dorm?!) and then on Saturday night Pauli's party where we drank way a lotta more and were the hottest hoes our pimp Neil had ever seen. Ohh baby!

This weekend has emphasized many things to me, but above all others, the importance of friendship prevailed. To see the "Friends" reunite was not only special for them, it was special for me as well. I have never seen a group of girls who got along as well and who were as best of friends as these five girls are. It is amazing to see them interact in complete harmony, predicting what each other's next move is going to be, and laughing hysterically about old memories. When you get the five of them together, it's wild, folks. Everything from Lauren writing notes on the whiteboard to herself pretending they are written actually by Gillian, to their performance at Sigma, to their recounting endless stories and memories, to their own personal nicknames. You can't just see the friendship with these girls, you can feel it.



Cheers to friendship, and cheers to the "Friends"!

11:05pm: no date tonight. date tomorrow. maybe i should have gotten drunk at aepi.
nahhhhhhh. i can't afford to lose any more brain cells. i have to get lots of energy for this weekend when tori and lauren are coming.

9:21pm: sigh
so i am trying to get used to being single again. though i have been officially single since may, ties to my ex were still strong and my love for him was still present. then, he met someone.

i am trying to meet new people of the opposite sex in hopes of finding a really good friend and/or someone i could be in a relationship with.

i have realized that i was affected by this most recent relationship more than i first thought, which frustrates me. sometimes i tend to think i am invincible. but, i do admit that even though i hurt him, i hurted (is that a word?) and still do sometimes...

also, ever since i cut my hair i have been feeling not so attractive and find myself being a little more aggressive with guys than i usually would have with my shoulder length hair, and feeling inferior. i am not usually one to be this weak, i think of myself as a strong person. stupid i know.
i just had to vent.





sigh.

4:16pm: giving blood
to those of you who gave blood, congratulations.
dilemma folks, dilemma.

do i donate blood? first off, i don't know if my blood is healthy enough, but do i? do i donate blood even though my worst memories of my medical history are attributed to getting my blood taken? do i give blood because someone else could potentially save my life because he or she did so?
this makes me feel really awful...i am trying to legitimize my guiltiness by repeatedly telling myself that i don't even know if i would be able to give blood.
i wish i could give blood. in order for me to know if i am able to give blood i probably need it to be taken again. sigh.

i admire everyone who gave blood today and have utmost respect for you.

12:05pm: you know you are an english major when...
you know you are meant to be an english major when...

-you come home piss ass drunk and crack open a book
-get super excited that you got a grammar book for christmas
-read for fun
-correct grammar mistakes wherever you see them (billboards, newspapers)
-get frustrated when someone uses improper grammar
-online mispellings bother you, even your own.

all true.

folks, ''your'' in college, come on, people.